A
young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the
bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Pernod," responded the young man.
"6 shots! Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offence,
sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, Nothing will."
A
businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to a
gorgeous woman. they exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading
a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies
that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have
the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, " Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
One
night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife
on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says:
"I'm sorry, honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I
want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This
time he whispers in he ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow
too?"
Several
years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head of
a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and a cost over $180,000. The results of the
study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than
the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results of were published, Germany decided to conduct their
own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of
the U.S. study were incorrect.
After three years and a cost on excess of $250,000 they concluded that
the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the WOMAN
with more pleasure during sex.
When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to
conduct their own study. The Poles didn't really trust the U.S. or German
studies.
So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right
around $75, the Polish study was complete. The Polish study came to the
conclusion that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the
shaft is to prevent his hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
Chinese Wedding Night
A Chinese couple get married - and she's a virgin. On the wedding night,
she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs
in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darring, I know dis you
firt time and you flighten...
I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting you want.
What you want?"
"I wanna numma 69" she replies.
"You wanna beef with bloccolli?"
Q. How can you tell the porno
star at the gas station?
A. Just as the gas starts up the hose, he pulls out the nozzle and sprays
the gas all over the car.
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe se x?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well-hung.
Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q. What do you call a Serbian prostitute?
A. Sloberdown Mycockyabitch.