What nationality was Jesus?
There were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone "brother"
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/jokes26_2.gif)
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Fathers business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was
God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil a lot.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a
WOMAN:
1. Had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. Kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't
get it.
3. Even when dead, had to get up because there was more work to do.
![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/linea_separa.gif)
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room
in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that
they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring
about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room,
strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project,
there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns.
"Blind man," replies a voice from outside the door. The two nuns look
at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting
a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice breasts," says the
man, "where do you want these blinds?"
![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/linea_separa.gif)
A Pagan dies, and to his great surprise
finds himself standing before some pearly gates. The guy in charge looks
him over before asking, "Can I help you?"![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/jokes26_3.gif)
"Where am I?" asks the Pagan.
"Beg your pardon?" the other guy asks. "You're in Heaven, of course."
"B-but I don't believe..."
"Hmmm" (squinting his eyes) "are you one of them Pagan folk?" the gatekeeper
asks, his mouth curling in mild distaste.
"Yes, I am... I believe I'm in the wrong place, which way is the Summerland?"
our Pagan friend asks.
"It's been 'temporarily' shut down for repairs," the gatekeeper said with
an ironic chuckle, "ever since we took over...err...I mean... since the
people found their way to the true path."
"Whatever," says the Pagan, "What do I do now?"
"I'm sorry sir, but you must go to Hell. No Pagans allowed here."
"WHAT? Hell? But I don't believe in Hell!"
"Sorry, those are the rules, just follow the downward path to the left."
So our Pagan friend walks down to Hell, only to find the doors open. He
warily goes in and looks around to see beautiful meadows, and animals
happily roaming the surrounding woods. "Hmm, so far so good."
A voice behind him made him all but jump out of his skin. "Can I help
you?"
"SHEESH! Give a guy a heart attack, why don't you?" "Ahem... a little
too late for that, isn't it?" the guy said with a smile.
"Who are you, anyway?" our friend asks.
"Why, I'm Satan," the other one said with a slight bow.
"Satan?!" said our friend as he started looking around nervously.
"At your service... you're the Pagan guy Pete called us about, right?"
"Pete... oh the guy in Heaven, yes..." he said, eyeing Satan carefully
"What's gonna happen to me now?"
"Well, you can hang out, there's some great fishing going on in the lake
beyond these woods and, if you follow the road down this way, there's
refreshments and a little market not too far and to your right. I believe
the Pagan meeting grounds are just behind that hill..." Satan went on.
"Are you serious...?" he finally asked.
Satan grinned at him innocently. "Why shouldn't I be?" Sudden understanding
filled Satan's eyes. "You didn't believe the rumours, did you?"
Suddenly, in answer to our friend's growing fear, the vault of the skies
opened with a thunderous groan. A soul, plummeting through the sky, screamed
in terror, his screams drowned by the opening of a yawning chasm
full of fire and brimstone. The stench of sulphur thickened the air. Thousands
of howling, suffering, tortured voices echoed through Hell. When the screaming
soul finally fell into the pit, the ground
shut closed with a sickening thud that rattled the earth.
Our Pagan friend all but soiled his undies as he yelped in terror. "And
what was THAT all about?"
Satan rolled his eyes, and made a dismissive gesture with his hand as
he said with a distasteful grimace.
"Oh, just ignore that..." He rolled his eyes again.
"My Christian guests refuse to have it any other way!"