Having A Bad Day?
It could be worse……………………….!![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/jokes04_3.gif)
A San Anselmo, California man died when he hit a lift tower at
the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad.
22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital.
The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's Department
said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump
Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt.
Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used
to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the
pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has
since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with
its pad removed.
![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/jokes04_4.gif)
Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis
market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a
hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police
found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch
wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death.![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/jokes04_5.gif)
Poacher Marino Malerba of Spain shot a stag standing above him
on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/linea_separa.gif)
"Man
loses face at party". A man at a West Virginia party (probably
related to the man in Arkansas who used the 22 bullet to replace
the fuse in his pick-up truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and
bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue.
Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during
the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it
in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it", said
Payne. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set
it off." "He put it into his mouth and bit down. It blew all his teeth
out and his lips and tongue off", Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded
condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson
at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing
something like that" Payne said. ![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/jokes04_7.gif)
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon
man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and
will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right
eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain
Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in
Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head,
but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow
gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut
and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw
at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to
10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet
somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that
had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have
killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards he and his friends had been
drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this". No
charges have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's
office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/linea_separa.gif)
(The
late) John Pernicky and his friend, (Roberts Sal Hawkins, of the great
state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert
at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had
18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the
nine foot fence and sneak into the
show. They pulled their pick-up truck over to the fence and the plan was
for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins
to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the
late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the
fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a
tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm, as
it were) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts.
Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some
bushes below him. (Possibly) figuring the bushes would break his fall,
he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free
himself
from the tree. Finally free, (did I mention that he is THE LATE) Mr. Pernicky
crashed into Holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body
and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated
his rectum. To make matters worse (?!), on landing, his pocket knife penetrated
his thigh 3 inches. (The late) Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable
pain and agony, decided to throw him a rope and pull him to safety (now
he thinks of the "S" word) by tying the rope to the pick-up truck and
slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck
into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing
him. Police arrived to find the crashed pick-up with its driver thrown
100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries.
Upon moving the truck, they found John under it, half- naked scratches
on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his
shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air. ![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/jokes04_11.gif)
Yankton, South Dakota:
A woman was arrested at her step son's Boy Scout meeting. While watching
a policeman demonstrate his drug dog's ability, the dog found a bag of
grass in her purse.
Colorado Springs:
A
guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused
and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he
was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe
him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet
and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the
man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then
ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police
and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
San Francisco:![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/jokes04_13.gif)
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch
and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing
in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he
reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed
the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed
his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his
spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbour, told
him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written
on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill
out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking
somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller
then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he
was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
England:
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of payment,
he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several days
later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture...of
handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/jokes04_15.gif)
Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The
prosecutor said officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in
Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher,
who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed
it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine
in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to
compose himself.
Oklahoma City:
Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store
in district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney
Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself
until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped
up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should have blown your
f*cking head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been
the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and
recommended a 30 year sentence.![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/jokes04_17.gif)
Detroit:
R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their
squad car computer felon location equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood.
When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification.
Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer,
and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen
showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old
armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
Detroit:
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.
A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very
expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within
a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having
made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim
against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars
were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused
to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars
in the normal fashion.![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/jokes04_19.gif)
The man sued.... and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing
that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a
policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were
insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without
defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated
to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process
the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for
the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed the check,
however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his
own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against
him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property
and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
Louisiana:
A
man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for
change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and
asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on
the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen
dollars.
Florida:![](http://www.mansioningles.com/images5/jokes04_21.gif)
A thief burst into the bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a
gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS,
THIS IS A F**K-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers
started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably
saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have
drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still
at large. In memory of the event, the bank later put a plaque on the wall
engraved "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a fxxk-up!"
Arkansas:
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made
of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Seattle:
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was
the best laugh he'd ever had.
Ann Arbor:
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 8:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Kentucky:
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain
from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling
the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their
truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home.
With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still
attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached
to the bumper.
Newark:
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was
a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and
told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and
wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.